The idea of real love can often times
bring out the romantics and cynics in force. The romantics argue that
true and 'real love' exists, that it lasts if only you find the right
one/ones. The cynics (myself usually included) lean towards the
argument that the whole idea of 'real love' is just a grown-up
version of Santa Clause; a myth we've been fed since childhood to
keep us buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy.
Then there are those who argue that we
have the ideal all wrong. In her book All About Love, Bell Hooks
quotes Erich Fromm “To love somebody is not just a strong feeling –
it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If lover were
only a feeling there would be no basis for the promise to love each
other forever. A feeling comes and it may go.”
She goes on herself to write “How
different things might be if, rather than saying, 'I think I'm in
love,' we were saying, 'I've connected with someone in a way that
makes me think I'm on they way to knowing love,' Or if instead of
saying 'I am in love' we were saying 'I am loving or 'I will love.”
The argument of 'real love' is one of
those things like grace; we will never fully get it. As much as the
cynic knows we will never attain it in perfection, something in us
continues (despite all opposition) to believe that life is better
with it. Life is better when we are striving to accept and give it
more fully, even if our all attempts are watered down reflections of
the ideal.
And maybe just maybe there is a 'real love' that is never
perplexed, never qualifies, never rejects and never demands. A love that replenishes, by grace going on and on.
A love that burns, because it knows sacrifice.
Maybe there is a love that is life illuminating if we choose to search for,
accept and offer it.
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